"So because you have scars, it means you're suddenly strong? God some people are such a joke lol."
**If you haven't seen my post about the hashtag I started #scarredandstronger, you can find it here. It may help give a bit of context to my blog below.
Those comments above are just a few of the not so nice comments I received after I posted this photo the other day on my Instagram. It got over 4,500 likes which still baffles me, some of the nicest comments and messages from complete strangers, with a few not so nice remarks.
Now, I want to talk about this, because my scars are actually the reason I became a Body Positive Coach. I struggled with them for so many years, in FEAR that people would say things like this to me. Now, this never really happened in my situation. Yes, I did have people stare at them, but no one blatantly came up to me and said something nasty. But when you put yourself out there on social media apparently that's bound to happen.
I ended up blocking both of these guys, just because I didn't want them to be able to contact me at all. Unfortunately comments delete when you block someone. (That may seem incredibly obvious but I've never blocked anyone; I'm new to this!) I was actually upset that those comments deleted. As positive of a page I'm trying to promote, I think it's important to share that when you put yourself out there and show your scars, internal or external, sometimes it might not be such a positive experience.
I would be lying if I said I didn't feel anything when I read those two comments. The "ugly woman" one confused me; he left a few comments after and he was a bit all over the place. The one about how I'm essentially a joke pissed me off. Maybe if the guy read into my story and learned that I fractured my f****** neck, am not only lucky to be alive but lucky to walk, then maybe he wouldn't call me a joke.
I wanted to write about these comments because when you're someone that has an experience anyway similar to mine (and yes I know there are lots of you because I've connected with you!), there is a strong probability something like this may very well happen. But don't let that deter you from putting yourself out there! Don't let those shitty people win.
So here's what I remind myself when comments like this come up. Some people just SUCK. Yes, they suck. Many out there are great and the nicest people ever, but you need to remember that some people are going to intentionally say shitty things that are meant to hurt your feelings. Those people are the reason why many feel shame and embarrassment from scars on their body, scars internally, injuries they've had or trauma they've experienced. I mean hey, it's why I did for years. I was in fear that I would receive some comment like that.
From coaching I've become really intuitive and have a stronger understanding about why people do the things that they do or say the things they say. Those people that say shitty things like that, deep down, are unhappy in some way in their own life. Whether they would admit it or not it's true. When people don't like something about someone, it's because that person is a mirror some way in their own life. For example, that guy that told me I'm a joke, that comment would usually make someone feel shame. I can assure you that guy is experiencing shame in some aspect of his life.(A lot of us do) Or the guy that told me I'm an ugly woman, maybe he feels like he is an ugly person in some way, whether it is physically or internally.
My top tips on how to deal:
1.) Remember that not everyone will be nice
2.) Remind yourself that it has nothing to do with you, and more to do about that person. They are unhappy with their life in some way and they are trying to make themselves feel better, stronger, more secure etc.
3.) Try and talk to someone that will GET what you're going through - this one is HARD. Family and friends are definitely a good outlet, but sometimes they don't always know what to say (unless they have a similar experience too). If possible, try and find people that you can talk to that have experienced something similar in their lives. Finding someone that understands what you're going through will really help. If you ever need me to be that person shoot me an email and let's talk some more.
I'm sure I will touch on this topic again so stay tuned. And remember you're #scarredandSTRONGER!
Just a girl writing down her thoughts on life post-trauma and body acceptance.