Gaining new scars, burns or marks on your body can be a weird experience for some people. I know it was for me. Most of the time, these marks don't go away. They may get better over time, but there is a good chance you may have an everlasting mark on your body. In this blog I want to talk about some of the biggest things I learned about having scars.
I want to start off by saying that your feelings towards your new marks on our body are valid. One of my big frustration points when I got my scars 6 years ago was that I would hear phrases like, well at least it's not on your face quite often. Yes, of course I'm lucky my scars aren't on my face and there is ALWAYS a situation that is worse, but that doesn't mean I wasn't allowed to feel self-conscious and uncomfortable about my scars. By hearing that phrase from people it made me feel like I was foolish for having those feelings, so I never really liked to talk about my scars. I didn't want to seem like an ungrateful person. However, I know that people tend to say those things when they don't know what else to say. I may not have known that at the time, but I've learned that over the years. So however you're feeling towards your marks is totally valid, and you shouldn't let someone make you feel otherwise. As I said, there will always be someone that has it worse than you, but that doesn't mean feelings you have should be diminished.
You may also feel like there is something wrong with having marks, especially ones that are visible for others to see. There are a few reasons why that is, but one thing that happened often was people offering unsolicited advice on how to get rid of my scars or make them less noticeable. Now, I know that some people that offered advice meant it in a kind way with no harmful intention, but when you're offered advice without asking, it makes you start to feel like there is something wrong with you. This still happens to me from time to time. The old Molly would think, I guess maybe I should try and lessen these scars if they look that bad. The new Molly will just respond saying thanks, I'm fine with my scars though. People that offer such advice don't realize that you've probably already Googled a zillion times how to get rid of marks. Unfortunately, you will always be offered unsolicited advice, even from complete strangers or companies trying to sell you their product. Just know that it's okay to have marks on your body and that people are usually coming from a place of love or maybe even discomfort because they don't know what else to say.
A last bit of advice for this blog is do what makes YOU feel comfortable and don't let anyone make you feel less than for doing so. For me, that was walking into a room with a cardigan first before unveiling my scars to a group of people who had never seen them. My mind was always racing thinking, what if I make someone uncomfortable? But looking back on it, it wasn't about them, it was about making myself comfortable. Wearing a cardigan into a room made me feel that everyone's first impression of me wouldn't be of my scars, it would just be me. This doesn't mean I wasn't still uncomfortable when I took off my cardigan but it did help me build the confidence up to do it. Now I wouldn't even think about wearing a cardigan for that reason. But it's all about baby steps.
These were a few of my biggest learning lessons over the years. These may not apply to everyone and they may not work for everyone, but even opening yourself up to other ideas and solutions will help. It's always great to read or talk to other people who also have scars because it reminds you that you're not alone.
If you're having a hard time with your new marks, feel free to shoot me an email so we can chat.
It's been almost a month since I wrote a blog - holy smokes! I wanted to write a blog and provide an update on what I've been up to for those of you who are interested.
I've been so silent on the blog because for the past month I've been planning a move to NYC. We had been talking about moving back to New York since the summer, but just kept pushing off the date. We gave ourselves a month to get everything done. Thanks to my sister for the little extra push, we made a move date, booked a ticket, and everything just started to fall into place.
While getting ready for our big move, my fiancé and I were on a run in the evening. We saw a man off his bike, with a cute little puppy ahead of us. We started to run by and we asked if we could pet the puppy. To our surprise, the man said that the puppy wasn't his. There was no one in the area. It was just us, this man and a cute little puppy. The man explained he couldn't take the puppy home and call the ACC because he was on a bike and lived too far. Instead, we called my mom and had her come pick us up with the puppy. It was raining and cold out. This puppy had clearly been out in the rain for awhile. We came home and went through all of the motions. Called the ACC, posted on NextDoor, checked Craigslist daily, took him to a vet to see if he was chipped and no luck. The ACC said it sounded like an abandoned puppy based on the description and the fact that no one had already called for him. But to make sure, we checked back with the ACC to see if we had any bites on the report, but no one had. The puppy had gotten so attached to us, we had gotten so attached to him, and no one claimed him so we took the little guy in. Now we were making a move across the country with all of our stuff, our cat and this new little pup. In case you didn't know, flying with animals is a lot of extra work!
Thankfully, the cat and dog (Tubs and Spuds) were able to make the trip with us and were beyond easy on the flight. After a delayed red eye with two animals, 10 checked bags and navigating a big car through NYC, I'm glad to say the hard part was over.
And to end our big stressful move, we both ended up getting sick about 4 days after being in NYC. I definitely attribute it to stress, as well as consistently being on the go, while being jet lagged from an overnight flight. After a week of being sick, I'm finally starting to get better.
So that's what I've been up to for the past month and a half, and is the reason I've been so quiet on my blog. But now that I'm settled, I'm excited to write again!
Stay tuned. :)
Just a girl writing down her thoughts on life post-trauma, body acceptance and wellness.